the moral of the story is:

I need to stop wasting time and energy tripping on stupid crap and bring the focus back to me. What I need to be doing; what I need to be taking care of. I got stuff to "inventory". I have bills to get in order. I have my life to live. I have art projects that have been collecting dust. I have footwork I need to be doing preparing for my potential move out of Santa Cruz. No man is ever going to fill me up and make me whole. And self worth comes from within. So, being a woman of ideals that I strive toward is a gift, because I can get grounded again. And remember who I am, where am I headed and where do I actually want to go.

Not where are you going and can I come too, but where am I going and who's coming with me.

And I'm glad that I can look back at how I have been and know that for all my faults I am a good woman. I respect me.

And, by bringing the focus back on my life and looking at my path, how can I be better, where I need to work on, it won't matter who can or cannot see my worth or who values or doesn't value me, who finds me beautiful or not... a man of worth equal to me will be walking the same path as I am, I won't have to find him, he'll just be there. It'll flow.